even if… (let’s talk about singleness)

I feel like we need to have a brief conversation about singleness. I don’t love conversations about singleness. But we need to talk about it because somewhere in the undertones of the conversations about singleness and marriage, I’m hearing something that is making me a little squirmy. I’m hearing this: God will be faithful.

No. He will not be. He already is. That’s what I need for you to understand. That’s what I need for me to understand. Single. Married. Mourning. Rejoicing. Fruitful. Barren. Wealthy. Wanting. Wincing. Healing. Whatever our state, our God is faithful.

Yes, I want to be married. I want to be a mother. Sometimes I’m sad that I am not. But I’m not miserable. I’m not pining away for a life that God has not, at least not yet, chosen to give me. Yes, I have days when I wish my circumstances were different. Don’t you? I’m yet to meet an honest human who doesn’t occasionally wish that something were different.

We wish for spouses or children or another day with the ones we miss. We wish for healing or comfort or, at the very least, the passage of time. We wish for rest or wealth or ease.

We wish this would change.

What is your this? What this do you wish were different? What this are you are powerless to change?

Because I am sure of this:

God is good.

God does good.

God has good plans for me. For you. For us.

I hope that those plans for me involve a man and some really beautiful babies.

I hope that I trust Him even if they don’t.

God wrapped Himself in our humanity and came to earth as a Man. That Man bore my sin and my shame, your sin and your shame, and He died that we might live. So let’s stop suggesting that we might measure God’s faithfulness by the presence or absence of any other man. Or child. Or friend. Or family. Or provision.

The God-Made-Man? He’s faithful. He’s good. Even if…

Even if I am always single.

Even if your marriage is never what you expected.

Even if the cradle is empty.

Even if the answer is “no.”

Even if the news is bad.

Even if this is never that.

Oh, friends, what does the faithfulness of God hang upon? Surely not the answer to some request, valid as it may be. Surely not the fulfillment of my dreams. Surely not the provision of my husband (welcomed as that provision would be!). His faithfulness hung Him on a cross. His faithfulness held Him there until the debt of our every failing was paid. His faithfulness gasped for breath until He couldn’t take another. And then His faithfulness declared, “’It is finished,’ and He bowed His head and gave up His spirit” (John 19:30).

Faithfulness doesn’t hang on any one wish. Faithfulness hung on a cross. Life submitted Himself to death. That we might live.

That we might live this life. This one He’s given. This one we’ve got. This one where we get to bring our mistakes and aches and broken dreams before a faithful and good God who offers forgiveness and healing and comfort even if it doesn’t look the way we wanted.

We do not bow before a God who will be faithful.

We bow before a God who is faithful.


Even if.

  1. Kate
    February 11, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Yes and amen.
    Such truth. For everyone.

    Grateful for you and your words and your insights.

    Kate 🙂

  2. Nancy Graves
    Nancy Graves
    February 11, 2015 at 4:53 pm

    Cody, this is such a wonderful reminder. Thank you for putting it into words so well.

  3. Crista
    February 13, 2015 at 7:38 pm

    Wise. True. Loved this. All right on.

  4. Ariah
    October 10, 2015 at 6:03 am

    Needless to say, am a bit slow in getting to these posts. Yet the handful I’ve read are so consistently nourishing/delightful/insightful/astonishing. Some are delightful in bringing up sweet reminisces of my own journey of discovery in younger years. Some remind me of what I used to know before the long assault of life. Like the elderly battle scarred lioness, whose once rolling gait has now a marked unevenness of stride, yet she can, still, when called upon, marshal a ferocious fight ~~ like her, I’m reading the chronicles of a young lioness passing thru the early strata of experience melding incoming data from the life in the flesh & the life in the spirit. Dear Young Lioness, He has given you a sharp instrument of insight & articulation, a virtual laser light of revelation. Some of these posts bring astonishing fresh truths with the very essence of His presence, that writer & reader alike sit at the very feet of our Shepherd King. He as imparted so much to you so early on ~~ and longings of the heart, brokenness all kinds, the sacrifice of thanksgiving, suffering rightly, a Solomon like education in human nature, together serve as requisites in the setting apart that protects the developing gift, and strengthens, proves, softens, & purifies the heart of a young lioness. “Your eyes shall see the KING in His beauty, and behold a far distant land” Isaiah 33:17

    • Cody
      October 10, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      Thank you for your kind encouragement and words. I receive them and am so grateful that you would take the time to send them. We so desperately need the words and wisdom and insights and reminders of His love and His ways from those who have walked ahead of us. May you know His presence and His peace today and always.

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    December 31, 2015 at 4:53 am

    […] The conversation about God’s faithfulness and our singleness makes me a little bit uncomfortab… God is not going to be faithful. God already is faithful. […]

  6. 2015: How Hope Returns - Cody Andras
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    December 31, 2015 at 3:02 pm

    […] The conversation about God’s faithfulness and our singleness makes me a little bit uncomfortab… God is not going to be faithful. God already is faithful. […]

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