I’ve started reading books about writing.
I had to think for a long while about whether this was a good or a bad sign. On the one hand, reading about doing something you ought to just do can be an education-cloaked form of procrastination. On the other hand, reading about something you already do is pretty helpful. And instructional. And encouraging.
I hesitate to say that I write. As though it–and it alone–is the thing that you must “officially” do before you can admit to doing it. Like, if I was published or if “x” number of people read my blog or if some official writing-committee would call these written words “writing,” then I could say that I write. I have no trouble saying that I watch TV or that I get manicures or that I drink coffee or that I breathe.
I am a TV watcher. And a regular-manicure-recipient. And a coffee drinker. And a breather.
And I am also a writer. Turns out that that is even harder to say than that I write.
I’ve been waiting for permission. And it turns out, I don’t need it. It turns out, I’m the only one who can give myself the permission I’ve been waiting for.
So I think that reading these books about writing is a good sign. Maybe even a really good sign. That I’m owning it. That I’m admitting it. Sometimes under my breath and often with cheeks that flush pink and usually only to people I really trust (or to complete strangers–because really, what do you have to lose there?). But I’m admitting it.
I write. I am a writer.
And no one has to give me permission to say it. No one even has to agree. (Thank you, though, to those of you who do! Let’s be real: it is helpful.)
Maybe it’s these things closest to our identities that we protect the fiercest. I don’t want to put this thing out there–to say that I’m a writer–because it will hurt if someone calls it false. Go ahead and harass me about my TV habits. Criticize people who get regular manicures. Question my love of coffee because of my overuse of cream. (I do use a lot of cream!) None of those things really hurt me. I find it annoying because who are you to judge, really? But this writing thing? This part of me that I hesitate to admit? It touches something in the core of me, and so it is scary to put it out there.
It feels like taking off all of my makeup and then going on a date. Awkward. Vulnerable. Exposed.
But also honest.
Here I am. I am a lot of things. But this one thing? It feels brave to say it. I am a writer.
And so I will write.
And I will also read about writing.
And I will keep stringing words together here.
And I’ve got a project I’m working on off of this screen that I’m going to keep working on.
And I will try to write more honestly.
And I will try to write more freely.
And I will try to use words better.
And I will stop waiting for permission.
Because it’s what I do. And it’s what I love to do. And it’s how I’m made. And it’s who I am (or at least a part of it).
Is there something you need to admit that you do, to declare that you are? To unveil before the world (or maybe just before some close friends)? To commit to continuing? Do you need to pick back up what you put down in fear? Maybe someone called a hobby what feels to you like something more. Maybe someone laughed. Maybe someone criticized. Maybe someone’s silence sliced your hope. I won’t tell you that those things didn’t matter. Because they clearly did.
But I’ll tell you that those things don’t deserve to steal your dream or your passion or yourself.
You don’t need permission.
Own those pieces of who you are. They’re only yours to hold. Protect them. Guard them. But not to the point that you forsake them. Never to the point that you’d deny them.
Your Maker made you that way.
I’m probably going to wear makeup on the next date that I go on. But I may also tell him that I’m a writer.
Because I am.
24 comments
Kate
January 18, 2016 at 6:05 pmAh yes. I found myself nodding my head as I read this. I so get it. And just for the record, you are not just a writer. You are a wonderful writer. I trust your words. They are thorough and thoughtful. Keep going! Yes!
Grateful for you and your gift,
Kate 🙂
P.S. What writing books are you reading? I need all the help I can get!
Cody Andras
January 18, 2016 at 6:22 pmYes, Kate. I know you get it too. And I’m so grateful for you and for your writing! Here is my writing-book-list (I haven’t actually read all of them yet, but I trust the sources that recommended them):-Before We Get Started, Bret Lott
-Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
-The Art of Memoir, Mary Carr
-The Accidental Creative, Todd Henry
Kate
January 18, 2016 at 6:05 pmAh yes. I found myself nodding my head as I read this. I so get it. And just for the record, you are not just a writer. You are a wonderful writer. I trust your words. They are thorough and thoughtful. Keep going! Yes!
Grateful for you and your gift,
Kate 🙂
P.S. What writing books are you reading? I need all the help I can get!
Cody Andras
January 18, 2016 at 6:22 pmYes, Kate. I know you get it too. And I’m so grateful for you and for your writing! Here is my writing-book-list (I haven’t actually read all of them yet, but I trust the sources that recommended them):-Before We Get Started, Bret Lott
-Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
-The Art of Memoir, Mary Carr
-The Accidental Creative, Todd Henry
Melissa
January 19, 2016 at 2:05 amOh, my. So, I haven’t hit publish in MONTHS because Satan has just eaten my lunch over “didn’t finish the English degree so I’m not qualified” to BE a writer. I’m printing this. Thank you for being a special kind of life-giving brave.
Cody Andras
January 19, 2016 at 1:03 pmMelissa, you’re most certainly a writer! Looking forward to reading your words again. xoxo
Melissa
January 19, 2016 at 2:05 amOh, my. So, I haven’t hit publish in MONTHS because Satan has just eaten my lunch over “didn’t finish the English degree so I’m not qualified” to BE a writer. I’m printing this. Thank you for being a special kind of life-giving brave.
Cody Andras
January 19, 2016 at 1:03 pmMelissa, you’re most certainly a writer! Looking forward to reading your words again. xoxo
Arie
January 19, 2016 at 4:52 amLove this! You have always been a beautiful writer!
Arie
January 19, 2016 at 4:52 amLove this! You have always been a beautiful writer!
Judy Bouchard
January 19, 2016 at 2:32 pmI am SO glad that you are a writer — because what you write blesses me. BTW — anyone who has ever read any thing that you wrote KNOWS for sure that you are a writer — and a very gifted writer.Thanks for sharing.
Judy Bouchard
January 19, 2016 at 2:32 pmI am SO glad that you are a writer — because what you write blesses me. BTW — anyone who has ever read any thing that you wrote KNOWS for sure that you are a writer — and a very gifted writer.Thanks for sharing.
Glenda pogue
January 19, 2016 at 5:40 pmCody, I’m so happy that you write! And I do read your post so often. You are really a great writer and you are a dear sister friend! Bless you on this journey!!!!!!
Glenda pogue
January 19, 2016 at 5:40 pmCody, I’m so happy that you write! And I do read your post so often. You are really a great writer and you are a dear sister friend! Bless you on this journey!!!!!!
Robin
January 26, 2016 at 11:21 pmUm… yes. Thank you. I have yet to say it out loud, let alone say it while looking someone in the eye, and I didn’t put together until just now *why* it is such a tender part of me and why I constantly search for validation that it’s good, even though I staunchly refuse to even own it out loud! (Admission: I’m here from hope*writers and the fact that I have a badge on my blog that proudly announces, “I am a hope*writer!” really, really bugs me. Not because I don’t want to associate with you lovely “real writers,” but because I hate calling myself one.)
Cody Andras
January 29, 2016 at 2:37 amWell, now you’ve officially said it on the internet. You, Robin, are a writer!
Robin
January 26, 2016 at 11:21 pmUm… yes. Thank you. I have yet to say it out loud, let alone say it while looking someone in the eye, and I didn’t put together until just now *why* it is such a tender part of me and why I constantly search for validation that it’s good, even though I staunchly refuse to even own it out loud! (Admission: I’m here from hope*writers and the fact that I have a badge on my blog that proudly announces, “I am a hope*writer!” really, really bugs me. Not because I don’t want to associate with you lovely “real writers,” but because I hate calling myself one.)
Cody Andras
January 29, 2016 at 2:37 amWell, now you’ve officially said it on the internet. You, Robin, are a writer!
Tiffany
January 27, 2016 at 2:29 amGreat post. Awesome reminder. I am a writer. I write. That is truly where my passion is. I have making excuse to presue my dream. To finish those half written post . Even those half written chapters of a book I wish yo write .I currently enrolled in a freshman English glass and it was actually my professor that told me , what I needed was not his class but the opportunties of a searching for a tutor. And editor to help you. Wow!!!
I guess sometimes God puts us in an environment to help us find what we are truly seeking .
Cody Andras
January 29, 2016 at 2:38 amWhat an encouragement that professor must have been to you! May you find the time to dream and the courage to pursue it!
Tiffany
January 27, 2016 at 2:29 amGreat post. Awesome reminder. I am a writer. I write. That is truly where my passion is. I have making excuse to presue my dream. To finish those half written post . Even those half written chapters of a book I wish yo write .I currently enrolled in a freshman English glass and it was actually my professor that told me , what I needed was not his class but the opportunties of a searching for a tutor. And editor to help you. Wow!!!
I guess sometimes God puts us in an environment to help us find what we are truly seeking .
Cody Andras
January 29, 2016 at 2:38 amWhat an encouragement that professor must have been to you! May you find the time to dream and the courage to pursue it!
#30in30 Final Edition - Cody Andras
March 17, 2016 at 11:32 am[…] Stop waiting for a “reason” to write what I want to write and start actually writing it. Hmmm…We need a way to measure this. Suggestions welcome. I think I’m making progress. It’s slow, but it’s progress. […]
#30in30 Final Edition - Cody Andras
March 17, 2016 at 11:32 am[…] Stop waiting for a “reason” to write what I want to write and start actually writing it. Hmmm…We need a way to measure this. Suggestions welcome. I think I’m making progress. It’s slow, but it’s progress. […]