It's been awhile
I'm not very good at this whole blogging thing. I think a lot about what I would like to write about, but I haven't actually sat down to write it! I have been waiting for "the perfect opportunity" - like some landmark moment is going to come along and then I'll write. Today I realized that that defeats the whole purpose of what I think it means to live in God's presence and to let Him into every area of my life. I don't think it means that every single day will be a momentous occasion or that every time I leave the house I'm going to see the Transfiguration before my eyes. What I know is that "all the days ordained for me were written in [His] book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16). Surely he didn't just write a bunch of nonsense. So I'm going to be more intentional about writing about the small things in life and about the ways I see the Lord daily.
Yesterday, I made a really stupid and careless comment. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I did (or at least later I realized that I could have because my stupid generalization actually loosely related to one of the women's husband). Later on that night, I felt sorry and careless and stupid. This morning, I was able to apologize to her, and she really wasn't even all that offended by the comment, but it was good for me to tell her that I was sorry and to take responsibility and it was good for her to know that I did acknowledge the carelessness of my comment.
Last night, I actually thought, I can't blog about this - this isn't what someone living in God's presence does. And then this morning after apologizing I felt more comfortable writing about it because it seemed that then I had reacted in the way that I was "supposed to." I am so entrenched in thinking of following Christ as doing the right thing all the time that even now, when I am intentionally trying to stop thinking that way, I still fall into my same habit. Christians do stupid things all the time, and it doesn't make them less of a Christian and it certainly doesn't make God less perfect - it just makes us still human.
Should I do the right things? Yes! Should I apologize when I do the wrong things? Again, yes! But I shouldn't strive to do the right thing just for the sake of it or for the sake of my reputation. In fact, I shouldn't strive to do the right thing at all. What we as Christians need to do is to acknowledge that, in our own power, we are no more likely to "do the right thing" than anyone else who doesn't claim the name of Christ. However, if we ask the Lord to fill us with His Holy Spirit and to guide us and to convict us when we are wrong. If we study His Word and seek His will and seek to know Him more, then we will show Christ to those around us. We won't just be nice people. We will be God's people and we will do the will of the Father.
I want to be someone who talks to God and who listens to Him, who knows His voice. I want to know that Isaiah 30:21 is true: "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" I want to hear that voice!