A Woman Seeking to Know Her God After a Season of Anxiety
Kelli is honest and open and also hilarious! She has more than once offered me (and countless others) the freedom to be myself because she has been bold enough to be herself. Her freedom makes room for us to walk in freedom, and I hope you will hear that invitation below. It is from the Father, straight from His daughter's mouth (or...keyboard, in this case)!
Hello! My name is Kelli. I am a wife to the most patient husband and momma to three precious girls. My days are filled with lots of giggles, dancing, crafting and occasionally playing referee. During the school year I am also my daughters’ co-teacher and feel blessed to be a part of a school that allows them to grow in learning at school and in our home! I love pineapple, chips and salsa, the mountains and beach equally, people’s stories, seashells and laughing until my sides hurt. I am not a writer but I am happy to share my story with you.
Eight months ago, the Lord tenderly and firmly made it very clear to me that I needed to seek help and healing from my anxiety. As long as I can remember, there had always been little bits of worry or anxiety in my life. After my third daughter was born, it slowly escalated, and I didn't realize the magnitude and effect it was having on my family and me.
The journey to healing was hard, painful at times, full of sweet relief, liberating, and ended in victory when the Lord brought me into this current season of freedom. Gone are my chains of anxiety! Walking confidently in the freedom that Christ has given me is something that I desire for each one of you reading this blog. The prison doors are open and the chains have burst. Jesus showed me that yes indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Do not be scared to sprint into His arms of rest, peace, and grace.
During those months I clung to these words “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). I was terrified to tell my friends, family, and community about the depth of my anxieties because I had worked so hard to hide them. The Lord was so kind to me with their encouragement and prayers. In the secret, the enemy had a stronghold over me, but Jesus shone brightly into all of those places and the darkness was overcome.
This season after anxiety is full of joy and gratitude. I am thankful for each moment of my day that I now get to live in freedom. While I cannot go back and undo the days that were ruled by worry, I now give the gift to myself to be present and enjoy each day filled with peace!
I truly cherish this season of being still with God. I love being mindful to see Him in every detail of my daily life and in the world around me. In this season, my anxious free heart and mind allow me to hear His quiet whispers in ways I had missed when consumed with worry. I feel less pressure to perform in a certain way for the Lord during our times together and am content to rest in His tenderly powerful presence.
I do love to hear how other women spend their time with the Lord. Relationships are so beautiful to me, and what sweeter one than a daughter with her King! For me personally, I have to be very careful not to try to replicate other women’s relationships with the Lord. It can set me up for failure because I am not allowing for the uniqueness of my relationship with the Lord to shape our time together. Gather and glean ideas from wiser women and friends, but allow your personal time with the Lord to be a cherished and uniquely beautiful time.
A few months ago, I remembered the first verse I ever intentionally memorized:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
I pray as you are seeking to be near to Him in your current season that you know your Heavenly Father is with you. Your God has always been there, Your God is here, and Your God is ahead. Don’t be afraid to pray for tangible ways to be revealed in your life that specifically speak of His nearness to you. He seared those words on my heart as a little girl to prepare me to bravely walk out of a season of fear and into one of sound mind years down the road. As a new season emerges for our family, I want to continue to draw near to Him. It is there that I am reminded how He sees me and will strengthen me or for what’s ahead.
How can you pray for me? This next year holds some unexpected shifts in the sand for our family, and our weeks will look different than they have in the past. I would love your prayers for this season to draw us closer together as a family of five. Please pray I would not develop a spirit of fear but to securely rest in the Lord’s gift to me of power, love and a sound mind!
This post is part of the Summer of Seasons that Darcee and I are hosting. Our hope is that as others share about seeking God in their particular season of life, we would all be encouraged to know and love and seek after the Lord more in our daily lives.