A Woman Seeking to Know Her God in a Season of Believing
The rule around here is, you can have all the ideas, but you have to be willing to go first. Just kidding! But we're kicking off this series by hearing from the brains and heart behind it--Darcee Andras. Enjoy her words below...
(I started writing and before I knew it, I realized I wasn’t following the questions very well, so just so everyone has somewhat of an idea where I was coming from, I was answering questions like “What season are you currently in?”, “What does your quiet time look like?” “Or how does your quiet time look different today than it did a year ago?”)
If I’m being honest with y’all, the idea for Cody to do this blog series was when someone that has a faith I crave for, told me that lately they just weren't interested in reading the bible…and I was shocked (ok and slightly relieved). Fast forward a few months, and I would hear this same voice tell me the amazing ways that they were seeing the New and Old Testament come together. I could hear the spark and the gratitude in her voice. Ahh! It was so re-assuring and encouraging. I am sure that we all go through phases where our time with the Lord looks one way and then later it feels another, and I’m pretty sure we realize the same to be true for others, but I also think it’s nice to sometimes be reminded of it, to hear about other peoples experiences about seasons coming and seasons going and what it looks like during the in-between.
The hardest part about writing this (whose idea was this anyway?!) is that I don’t even know what season I am in. It’s a pretty new season for me, one I’ve never seen before, and one that I didn't exactly see coming. Yet here I am… and not knowing where I am has also brought about some emotional and spiritual turmoil about where I am with the Lord.
What I do know about this current season are the facts, I’m 28, extremely happily married and currently experiencing some changes in my every day, “normal” life. Nothing huge nor bad, yet changes are still hard for this girl to accept. But looking deeper into this season, without sounding too dramatic, overall I just feel numb. And this numbness has left me with little desire to get alone and be quiet with Him. Therefore I find myself avoiding Him in different ways. Avoiding Him because I’m fearful that He may not show up, or even worse, fearful that because of the state of my own heart, that I might miss Him, and I don’t want to miss Him.
When I told Cody about the lack of knowing how to define my season, she joked and defined it as “THIS” season. So, until I figure out what THIS season is for me, or what it turns into, I’m declaring it a season of believing. In the numbness and the wrestling, I’m choosing to believe in Him. Believing He is who He says He is. Believing that He is a God who sees. Believing He is a provider. Believing that He is sufficient. Believing that HE is peace.
Also with that believing comes the belief that my time with Him will return and the fear and numbness will eventually go away. And once again I will find myself in my same chair in the corner, probably with a cup of decaf coffee because I am also currently in a season of no caffeine (it’s as bad as it sounds). When I do find myself sitting in said chair, I really enjoy journaling all my random thoughts while spending time in my bible and using the ESV Study Bible for the last few years has been a real game changer. I am on my second year of reading the devotional “New Morning Mercies” by Paul David Tripp because one time just wasn’t enough. And on days when I have a little more time and patience, I will work through a day of “Sparkling Gems From the Greek” by Rick Renner- and it has been FASCINATING. I’ve tried to put my phone away during these times, but it just doesn’t turn out to be realistic considering how I am always wanting to look up a word or spend some time fact checking (or to just take an Instagram scrolling break).
Like many things I post on Cody’s blog, I struggle with the vulnerability in letting her publish them, and this little bit was no exception because quite frankly, I think that it could possibly sound a lot like I’m complaining over nothing. Hear this please, I love my life and all of the ups and downs. But the reality is, some seasons are high, some are low, and some are just right there in the middle. And the beautiful thing that I’m learning, really, really learning, is that they all matter. And so after some really low seasons, and some really high seasons with God, I am realizing that its equally as necessary to take the time to recognize the days, weeks and months that just feel long and kind of pointless actually. It’s vital to stop and take inventory on your faith and your thoughts that go along with it and figure out where you stand with the Lord. And somehow we (read: me) have to come to trust that where you’re standing, whether you like that spot or not, it matters. The messy, mundane, in the middle seasons have value to me because I am believing that Christ is there in them. It’s His truths that I’ve seen to be true in the low seasons that I am trying to remember in a season of what feels like nothing, are still true. So I’ll continue to walk through this season, trusting He is there, and with an expectant heart and squinted eyes, I’m going to make sure I don’t miss Him or anything He is calling me to in my season of believing.
With that being said, my husband just walked by as I was writing this and I was reminded how lately I have found myself with a deep desire to spend time praying for him, his safety, his heart, for his own faith walk and with that thought, I can’t think of a better season for me to be in.
by darcee andras
This post is part of the Summer of Seasons that Darcee and I are hosting. Our hope is that as others share about seeking God in their particular season of life, we would all be encouraged to know and love and seek after the Lord more in our daily lives.